Julius Mapambano

On Ascension Day, the day we remember the resurrection of Jesus, I received the news you are very sick and might soon be dying. Julius; my friend and aerobic instructor in Moshi. I need time to realise the consequences of this news. More than ever I feel I have a life in different parts of the world, that are so far apart but yet all within me. I felt my life in Holland was becoming more peaceful these days, I was getting used again to the timing and content of living here. But receiving this news makes me consider again how short life can be and how the environment can have its influence on it. My thoughts go back to Moshi, to our days together and I wish I was with you to be able to say proper goodbye to you. Today on Pentecost, the day the holy spirit came down on all people, I will try to get over the grief and to write. I think your life is one to be remembered by others.

We met on your first day of work at AMEG gym. I was asked to bring a group of young people to join your first class and to discuss if we liked your lesson. Although the music equipment you were given to use was terrible, your teaching was very professional. We all recommended you and you were hired to become instructor of AMEG gym. I went to your classes every day. During my sometimes-difficult time of work in Moshi, the evening hours at the gym meant relaxation and enjoyment for me.

It is funny how many details of these evenings reoccur to me these days. I can see you walking to the changing rooms to change in your tight pants with white socks pulled up high (and I smiled). I remember the music you used and all the exact movements we made. I remember you used to look at me during tummy exercises to see if I could manage to do more every day. I loved your Tae-bo classes and invited many friends to come and enjoy. The movies I made of these trainings still bring me back to these hours. I remember how you also felt happy to train with us. The group made a lot of progress under your supervision.

I remember how we became friends through our common interest in dancing and training. We started to share stories about our lives and dreams about our future. I remember I gave you a notebook to write down your interesting life story. I do not know if you managed to start writing, so I will write about what I remember you told me.
You are born in Mwanza, son of the chief of the village and one of his Kenyan wives. Your father was an important person in the village, wealthy and able to have a polygamous family; you have many mothers, brothers and sisters. You were send to learn as a mechanic and worked in a garage when you were the age of 15-16. During those years you saw many older men passing the garage to go to a gym next door. Those men were body builders and you became inspired by their growing bodies. You started to lift the weight of the car engines and became to be known to be the strongest of the garage. You asked the gym if you could clean the rooms and to receive training in exchange. This way you became to learn about body building yourself. You started to safe money to pay for a one-year training course in Nairobi to become aerobic and fitness instructor. You managed to succeed on your own initiative. You tried to earn money in the mines in Northern Tanzania, where you had to live under ground for weeks. You told me about the horrible conditions, people dying out of tiredness, emptiness and darkness. Only if you succeeded to find a piece of Tanzanite stone, you would receive some payment. Finally one day you were there, you realised you were going to become crazy in that place and borrowed 1.000 shilling (1 Euro), to walk out of that place and find transportation towards Arusha town. There is where your career as a gym teacher started. You were teaching at different schools and in evening times could work as a bouncer in discotheques. At the same time you managed to join competitions for body builders and even went to international competitions. When you started working at AMEG lodge it meant you had to move to Moshi town. You missed your life in Arusha but this job would be a new opportunity to join competitions again next year.

You not only showed me how you had made your own dreams come true, but I also learned to look at body building as an art form. You were eager to learn about and train every muscle possible in your body in order to show them during competition. I experienced admiration, trust and inspiration in our friendship. Being with you felt safe, you were not drinking much alcohol and with this attitude and being a bouncer you could always enter in bars and disco’s for free. It is hard for me to imagine it will not be possible again to meet, to train and to dance together. I wish to look into your eyes again one last time and to tell you I miss you.

There are two times you swept me of my feet by surprise.
The first time was when I returned to Holland end of December and I heard you got married to a Swedish wife two weeks after I left Tanzania. I knew you were interested to marry a white woman and you also told me you wanted to be married before the year 2006. You have shown to me it is possible for you to realise whatever goal you have in life. I know you were looking forward to see what possibilities a life in Sweden would bring to you. I would have loved for you to still have that time to teach abroad and have success. My thoughts are also with your wife.
The second time I was swept of my feet was when I was told you are very sick and dying because of AIDS. I have been working on HIV-prevention for many years, but you are the first person close to me to suffer from this disease. You appeared to be so strong and healthy. I am confronted with the first reason why all people are deceived; you cannot judge people from their appearance. You make me realise again how important it is to continue the fight against this disease because I hate it to lose someone like you and others while we have so much possibilities available for prevention. I wonder if you know when you became infected. I remember we have been talking about HIV, and you told me you have been tested and safe. Does this mean you were tested a long time ago? Or is it possible people now use this phrase “I have been tested and safe” as a way to make people trust you and have unsafe sex? I know how you disliked the use of condoms. You felt it was unnatural and they made it impossible for you to enjoy sex. I was not surprised then, because it is exactly what men in my research told the interviewers. Condoms are a felt to be a barrier; they prevent sex from happening naturally. You had no experience in using condoms, I guess my education and provision of condoms to you were to late to protect you. I wonder if you know the time of infection and I wonder if it really is AIDS you are dying from. When I contacted our other friends, some heard a different story about your disease. They say you suffer from the condition of an enlarged heart through bodybuilding and steroids. I know AIDS is a taboo in Africa. Many people prefer to say their friends and family died from diseases other than AIDS, people do not like to mention AIDS as the cause of death. I do not know what is true in your case. But all stories seem to be possible. To me I do not think you or your family should be ashamed whatsoever. I know you are an inspiration to many people. And your story only shows how important it is to continue education about AIDS, I wish we could fight together. What I do know is that you have returned to your village. When people return to their village when sick I know most of times it means that people are ready to die. It is no longer possible to communicate to you thus I try to say goodbye through my writing. I can only hope for you to feel surrounded by people you love and I want you to know you are important in my life. I will remember you always.