Hiv/Aids preventie

Dear friends!!!

I would like to share some of my experiences in my research!!! How to make sense out of these different experiences, feelings, thoughts….

-Life is too short. I have to enjoy now, I can die from Malaria, TB or HIV/AIDS. It does not really matter what is the cause, everybody will die some day. (So why bother protection).
-The message that is spread concerning HIV/AIDS is ABC. Abstinence, Be faithful, Condomise. If you can not Abstain from sex, you have to Be faithful to one partner, if you can not be faithful than use a Condom.
-Religious organisations only agree with the message of Abstinence.
-The government spreads the message “Do not be shy, talk about ABC”. But the message gets reduced to “Do not be shy..” and people have been complaining that this campaign makes young people to engage in sex very early.
-Government messages and messages from religious organisations are not compatible.
-Parents do not feel responsible to teach their children, they are not open about sex. You do not want to loose respect from your children by talking about sex. Parents do not want their children to have boy/girlfriends because they feel it will lead to sex at young age and this will disturb their child from school activities. Furthermore you stay under the hands of your parents until you are married. There is no freedom to experience with relationships. You even start to feel yourself that relationships between boys and girls are all about, and will lead to sex. Young people do not get the experience of sharing ideas with boys/girls, motivate each other, be supportive, talk, argue between boys/girls and get the experience of love and breaking up. Thereby to learn what you want and need in life from a partner/friend.
-Also there are still a lot of “arranged marriages”. People choose their husbands and wives together with family members to find appropriate partners.
-In love relationships it seems men/women are in doubt of true love. Love exists for the background of a person, the possibilities to built a future together. There seems to be a lack of interest in the person itself. Men and women are very much in doubt about the Love they have or feel. “Africans like a life of little work, a lot of social activities, parties/drinks, luxuries. But we see a lot of movies about real love of sharing, planning and trust. But here there is a pressure of money in relationships”. This is being related to poverty (but is it always a reason or becoming an excuse???)
-Most women are thought of to want money and a good life, a man should be able to supply for her. If she finds somebody that can buy her more.. she will go for this man. Women can have extra sex-partners for extra money or luxuries.
-As a woman you should however never approach a man yourself. Then you are cheap and easily being left (after having sex) for somebody more serious. Men have power to decide when to have sex, for a woman it is difficult to negotiate in a relationship.
-As a man you should always have “a spare tire” or “small house” (an extra woman apart from the wife). What if your tire breaks down (she leaves you for somebody else)? Than it is also macho to have more women. Friends will introduce you to new girls.
-“Sharing is caring” is said by boyfriends of your best friend.
-Condoms are infected with the HIV virus. You can not trust condoms because they come from the western world and they want to kill all Africans so they invented the Hiv-virus and put in into the condoms. That is also why you can get them for free.
-Do not trust the condoms they come all the way from America so they are expired when they finally get into the country.
-People are shy to buy condoms, and when you are young you do not want to be discovered with a condom…it means you are out for sex.
-Condoms can burst so what is the use of using them?
-A man can still be infected with the virus although using a condom. Because men shave around their penis…the fluids of the vagina can go into the wounds. Or men have wounds on their hands from work, where the fluids of a woman can go. So why use a condom?
-I can not eat sweets with a cover! Sex with a condom is no real sex, you have to be able to freely ejaculate into the vagina.
-If I get Hiv it like an accident on the job.
-Why would I get tested for Hiv, when I know I am positive, then I know I will die….

What can I so far say about these results?
There is serious confusion in messages. Should we A, B or C?? What message is the one I trust the most? The church, the government, my friends? Then if you can not do A(bstinence), than B(e faithful)… otherwise C(ondomise).
Condoms are not an option. Real sex is the natural way of having sex “like God wanted you to have sex”. There are more reasons readily available and visible not to use condoms than there are at short term to use them. If it is for protection on Hiv/Aids, the condoms spread the virus itself. And if you believe they are an option for safe sex…there are many reasons they are not safe in the end so why use them. Better to put the trust in love…..
I can not do A or B…thus condom use means you are not faithful?? Now there are already serious doubts if men or women are faithful, the use of condoms will increase these doubts.
We all look for real love in our lives. Lets put the trust in love before the trust in health (we will die anyway).

If you look at the site of Jaap: diego.waarbenjij.nu you will find some more nice stories and pictures about the life/research in Moshi (in dutch).